Schatzie the Renegade Deli Heiress
'Tis a fine line between Comedy, Tragedy and *Headcheese
Welcome to Schatzie's Headcheese Art Gallery (48 slices). Please digest artwork slowly. It is quite pungent.

Move over Barbie. There's a new doll in town. And she's got a knife.

The Headcheese Conjecture: After years of relentless work, Schatzie the Renegade Deli Heiress has finally solved The Headcheese Conundrum. Although it was surmised that Headcheese did not contain “Cheese”, we now have conclusive scientific proof that the following statement is true: “There is no Cheese in Headcheese”. We can all rest well, thanks to Schatzie.

Inspired by Berkeley the band Psycotic Pineapple. "The Headcheese Song" lyrics by Henricus Holtman

Captain's log, Stardate 4768.3. - The Enterprise is in orbit above a planet whose surface, our sensors tell us, is devoid of all life, a world destroyed and dead for at least a half a million years, yet from it comes a voice, the energy of pure thought, telling us something has survived here for those thousands of centuries.I've decided to risk the potential dangers and resume contact. Log entry out.

Born a mere… Head, Schatzie’s Deli-owner parents knew their daughter was going to be something special, and no doubt there was gonna be trouble aHead.

Headcheese (no cheese involved) Bierwurst (no bier) Corned Beef (no corn) Hot dog (no dog) Blood Pudding (no pudding)

Schatzie the Renegade Deli Heiress trades in her crown for a #pussyhat, and her deli knife for a protest sign.

Poor Lil Schatzie

Your lips say "Turkey". My mind says "Headcheese"

From Schatzie's Winter 2015 Haute Couture 'Headcheese' Collection. 'Headcheese Chemise'. Knockoffs soon available! (Meaty thigh tights not pictured).

"Mustard Mayo Lettuce Tomato Pickle on the side" horizontally and vertically.

There's no cheese like Headcheese written horizontally and vertically

no smoking please

no headcheese please

no smoking headcheese please

Choppy Seas ahead

When the going gets tough And the stomach acids flow The cold wind of conformity Is nipping at your nose When some trendy new atrocity Has brought you to your knees Come with us we'll sail the Seas of Cheese - Primus The phrase "Sailing the Seas of Cheese" means that the speaker is experiencing great personal change. The Seas of Cheese is an album made by the local band "Primus" in 1991.

Guest Headcheese Contributor Dear Schatzie, I’m Stormy Fuck Headcheese, Doris Fuckhead’s obnoxious cousin. She mentioned several times over the years about what a corrupting influence you were when you worked together and I reminded her that she wasn’t exactly chopped liver when in came to corruption and deli favorites. The adventures of Schatzie is wonderful. It got Don off the couch and a trip to PhotoShop. Stormy & Doris & Don

Doesn't hurt to ask

"Some sell their soul to the Devil. Some sell their soul to the Deli."

xo Schatzie

*Headcheese /ˈhed.tʃiːz : A cold cut that originated in Europe. Headcheese is not a dairy cheese. There is no cheese involved.

Schatzie the Renegade Deli Heiress is a Graphic Artist, Wordpimp and Vegetarian. Schatzie’s father Bruno gave her the nickname “Schatzie” when she was but a young Mädchen. It means ‘little treasure’ in German. At one point in her life Schatzie found herself helping (but mostly hindering) her beloved parents Bruno and Cindy in their European Delicatessen, surrounded by...meat, and yes... *Headcheese.


Being a Vegetarian and Animal Empath, she was overcome with angst. Fueled by cognitive dissonance she fervidly began to create deli art as a coping mechanism. Along the way she developed a somewhat unhealthy fixation with the cold cut *Headcheese, (a fixation which she never did quite shake). You can purchase Schatzie's Headcheese art at The Junket. She is the creator of the only Headcheese Gallery in the world.


Schatzie wasn't always a Vegetarian. Her school lunchbox contained a Braunschweiger sandwich, while her classmates enjoyed peanut butter & jelly. Dinner was oxtail soup, cooked by her Jamaican mum Cindy. And Bruno treated her to raw meat tartare or bacon grease on toast. 

Schatzie's deli daze are over and she is truly a Renegade now, but she did not escape unscathed.


Self portraits of Schatzie in her homemade dress were taken with her i-phone alone in the deli late one night.


You can take Schatzie away from the Headcheese. But you can’t take the Headcheese away from Schatzie.